Once the decision to divorce has been made, the next step is to choose how to handle the divorce process. In the Netherlands, there are three common routes to reaching a divorce judgment: hiring a lawyer, working with a mediator, or combining mediation with legal support in the background. Each option has its own advantages and disadvantages – and what works best for one person may not suit another.

Here’s a closer look at each approach.

1. Divorce through a lawyer

When communication between spouses is limited or conflict is high, each party often hires their own lawyer to handle the divorce.

How it works:

Your lawyer will act on your behalf, communicate with your ex-partner’s lawyer, and try to negotiate an agreement. If needed, your lawyer will represent you in court. If both parties agree on all terms, the court is asked to confirm the divorce and the agreement(s) reached.

Pros:

  • Ensures your legal interests are fully protected.
  • Lawyers can take the pressure off direct communication between partners.

Cons:

  • Typically the most expensive option, especially if both parties hire separate lawyers.
  • Slower process if there is little cooperation.

2. Divorce through a mediator

Mediation is a collaborative approach in which a neutral third party – the mediator – helps the (ex)partners reach mutual agreements on all aspects of the divorce.

How it works:

Both partners meet with the mediator (together or separately). The mediator guides conversations on practical issues like asset division, parenting, and finances. Once agreements are made, a lawyer shall help submit the paperwork to court on behalf of both parties.

Pros:

  • Often faster and more affordable than litigation.
  • Allows both sides to shape the outcome together.

Cons:

  • Requires a basic level of trust and willingness to collaborate.
  • The mediator does not give legal advice or advocate for either party.

3. Mediation with a lawyer in the background

This approach combines the benefits of mediation with the safety net of legal advice. The (ex)partners attends mediation sessions, but each person consults their own lawyer privately between sessions.

How it works:

The mediator leads the joint sessions to help reach agreements, while lawyers provide background advice and check proposals to ensure fairness and legality.

Pros:

  • Encourages cooperation while safeguarding individual rights.
  • Helps prevent rushed or one-sided decisions.
  • Often faster and less costly than full legal proceedings.

Cons:

  • Requires extra coordination between the mediator, lawyers, and clients.
  • Slightly higher cost than pure mediation, but still usually cheaper than litigation.

So, which path should you choose?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. The best approach depends on your relationship with your (ex-)partner, the level of complexity in your case, and how comfortable you feel managing the process yourself.

Need help choosing?

At Counselr expats in the Netherlands can find trusted, multilingual divorce lawyers and mediators. Whether you’re looking for independent legal advice, want to try mediation, or need someone to guide you through both, Counselr helps you connect with professionals who speak your language and understand your needs.

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